SLOW DEATH OF OUR DREAMS AND HOPES

Yesterday evening....

This morning

GRAY SKY AT DUSK, GOLFERS WILL SUCK

GRAY SKY AT MORNING, GOLFERS GOT THEIR WARNING......

Today, the last day of the tournament, we had a SLOW death of our dreams an hopes of playing good golf.  When I say SLOW, I mean SLOW ! 

I am not normally one to complain (complain and bitch are two different things), but it was one of those days.  Unlike yesterday, when we played the last 7 holes of the tournament round at a snails pace, we played today's ENTIRE round at a snails pace.  We never got the chance to hit, go to next ball, and hit again.  It was at least a 5 minute wait once we reached our balls before we could hit again.  That's a minimum of 5 minutes, not an average.  It was awful.  The extreme heat didn't help. 

The morning started out okay.  Sheila had a quick breakfast and even warmed up on the practice range.  I had scrambled eggs, bacon, fruit, and PICO de GALLO.  That was my first mistake of the day. 

We start out on hole #3, the #1 handicapped hole, a par 5, 405 yards long.  Sheila shot par, I shot a 7.  This was one best ball gross and net, and you could use one ball for both.  It worked out okay... remember, I don't warm up, just don't have the stamina.  It was ugly from then on out.  My calculations show that Sheila shot about 95, and I shot about 91 (yes Sheila, I counted hole 18).I had a total of 5 double bogies and 1 triple bogie all day.  Since Sheila can't defend herself on here, I'll leave her out of it. 

Anyway, about two hours into our LONG SLOW round, I get sick at my stomach.  I honestly never figured out why.  Stomach cramps, indigestion, nausea, and severe sweating.  Just miserable.   That continued until about 7 this evening.  This is off golf for a paragraph, but I went to the Celiac site, and when your first go gluten free, you avoid dairy.  Gee..... I read that this evening AFTER eating ice cream yesterday, and again today at lunch.  You are supposed to give the lesions and ulcers a chance to heal.  So, even though Blue Bell is gluten free, it is a no-no for a few months.  I now need to avoid most dairy for a couple of months,  Then, they suggest a trial of adding foods separately to see what I can tolerate.  Most gluten intolerant people are also lactose intolerant, and a few other things.  GASP!  What a journey I'm starting.  Ok, I'll quit on this subject, but I wanted to generate some reader sympathy because I was completely miserable. 

ANYWAY...... there is no nice way to say this, but honestly, Sheila slacked off today.  Maybe it was my own fault, but I felt awful, was struggling with not throwing up every time I went to pick up my ball, and had to keep playing it safe on every shot.  It was so boring.,  We arrived at hole # 18.  The hole is a 468 yard par 5.  They all hit their tee shots 125 yards to the "safe" area, it's an area in front of the dirt damn that is how you get to the other part of the fairway.  Here is a crude drawing of the hole.

The blue x's represent their safe shots.  I was tired of playing it safe.  I wanted to pull a Phil.  I pulled out my driver (Sheila sat with her mouth open (agape would be a good word) speechless as I attempted to get over the huge tree between me and the fairway.  The red x in the water is where my ball landed.  Sheila didn't say anything.  Oh well.  It was fun.  I drop a ball by the tree and it over the water on the other side, and landed on a side hill lie, indicated by the top most red x.  Sheila hits her shot into the fairway, as does one of the other gals, and then the other gal hit hers into the water on the other side.  I WAS REDEEMED, AND NO LONGER HAD TO BEAR THE WEIGHT OF THE TITLE LOSER!

I think that poor gal on the other team actually hit two into the water before getting pissed and picking up.  As we walked off the green, my spirits had picked up.  That was fun, until I had to tell my score..... I finished with an 8.  Sheila played it safe, and got a 7, and the other lady came in with a par.  Oh well.... it was fun.

We finally get to the last hole.  Sheila and I both hit over the water on the green of the par three.  The other team, one hits two balls into the water and picks up, and the remaining lady gets on the green.  Sheila and I two putt, it was a very steep slope and the flag was in the middle of a ridge, and the other poor lady has to putt last, and she 4 putts.  Those two ladies drank heavily after we were finished.  Sheila and I had tea,

Anyway so ended out 5.5 hour round of SLOW golf.  We had lunch.... salmon, salads, etc., and for dessert, another Blue Bell Ice Cream Sunday.  I felt better than I had all day.  We didn't win anything, but we did come in only 4 shots behind Margie and Paula.  Also, on one par three, we measure it at like 117 up a hill to the flag.  I landed about 2 feet or so from the flag, and it was my flights closest to the pin hole.  The marker wasn't even on the green.  HUH?  Come to find out, our friend Pat had made a hole in one.  Well, crap.  At least I made the birdie.  We stayed for the awards to hear them announce her hole in one, then we left the luncheon and Sheila went shopping at the pro-shop.  Sheila bought a pair of Oakley sunglasses, then I drove us home.  I was home about 30 minutes and got sick again.  THAT's when I started researching ice cream.  Finally, here it is 8:35, and I feel good once again.

Here's a picture of another beautiful hole, and Sheila.

Sheila got this one of my beautiful golf form....

Here's all we saw of Margie and Paula once we teed off...

And finally.... my favorite golf partner.

Gary finally comes home and brings Morgan in with him.  They are making all this noise in the bedroom, and I go it.  They have a pin ball machine in there,  They created Dumpster Diver Inc., and rescued it from the trash.  They bought a new AD to DC universal converter, fixed a bad switch, and they were in business.  At least it has a volume switch. 

As I type this, Morgan and Gary are still playing.  Morgan has figured out how to by-pass the switch so she can play without ever losing.  Her score right now is 455,236,000.  I went in while ago, and Gary had leaned a piece of beige fiberboard against the closet wall.  Beige is also the color of my carpet.  I hit it on my shin, and I, like my Dad in his later years, have really thin skin.  I bled like a stuck hog, and have finally got it to quit bleeding.  I then spent a good while chewing (this is where the bitch part comes in) him out.  Damn it, if you're finished with something... put it up.  Either where it belongs, or up his..... never mind.

I have finally decided I need to eat something.  I did fix some risotto for myself.  It is pretty good.  I've had it before without ramifications, so it should be okay.  Whoops.... leg is bleeding again.  Damn..... later.